Submit A Low

(00000) I had just bought a new vibrator on my lunch break. Eager to try it out I returned to my car to masturbate in my work parking lot. Allnewlow.

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October 8, 2009 at 5:59 pm by Anonymous in - Miscellaneous [+]

(39212) I met a guy at the bar and we really hit it off. He invited me back to his place to hook-up. When we arrived we were greeted by his wife and baby. I had to wait 35 minutes outside of their house for a ride home. Allnewlow.

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October 8, 2009 at 5:53 pm by Anonymous in - Miscellaneous [+]

(93110) My apartment complex turned off the water to work on the pipes. I had to go to the gynecologist that morning without having showered for 2 days. I used bottle water to clean down under and shave my legs. Allnewlow.

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October 8, 2009 at 5:46 pm by Anonymous in - Miscellaneous [+]

(93409) My car was in the shop, so I called my daughter to pick me up and drop me off at my booty call's house. Allnewlow.

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October 8, 2009 at 5:41 pm by Anonymous in - Sex [+]

(90013) The same day my girlfriend dumped me, I called her Roman Catholic mother to let her know that we broke up. When she asked why, I told her that I was against the abortion and I apologized on behalf of my ex-girlfriend for aborting her mother's 1st grandchild. She was never pregnant. Allnewlow.

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October 8, 2009 at 1:46 am by Anonymous in - Love [+]

(94596) I spent my Friday night looking at Google Images of zits for entertainment. Allnewlow.

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October 8, 2009 at 1:40 am by Anonymous in - Miscellaneous [+]

(00000) I just ate all of the pizza in the fridge. My daughter had bought it for her lunch tomorrow. Allnewlow.

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October 8, 2009 at 1:04 am by Anonymous in - Miscellaneous [+]

(00000) I drank tequila with the guys. They passed out. I went to the bathroom and then I woke up the next morning to find out I'd spent the night on the toilet. Allnewlow.

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October 6, 2009 at 11:04 pm by Anonymous in - Friends [+]

(92887) I wanted to try anal beads before I bought them, so I cut a necklace I had that resembled them by tying the string off at the end. The next day I went to the bathroom and right when I thought I'd finished I felt something come out and "clink" into the toilet. I turned around and saw the biggest bead at the bottom of the toilet water. Guess I should have counted them before I inserted the night before. Allnewlow.

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October 6, 2009 at 12:09 pm by Anonymous in - Sex [+]

(00000) I wanted to watch Desperate Housewives and my baby wouldn't sleep, he just fussed and wouldn't let me sit and watch TV, so I gave him some Benedryl so he'd go to sleep. Allnewlow.

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October 6, 2009 at 12:37 am by Anonymous in - Friends [+]

(00000) A friend asked to borrow a pair of jeans. Without hesitation I said yes, forgetting that the ones she requested I had been free-balling in for 3 days. Before I could say anything she had them on. I never told her. Allnewlow.

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October 5, 2009 at 8:48 pm by Anonymous in - Friends [+]

(98132) During spring break I was hooking up with a girl. As I started to go downtown, I noticed a white string peaking out. Eager to get laid, I took her tampon out, with my teeth. Allnewlow.

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October 5, 2009 at 8:40 pm by Anonymous in - Sex [+]

(07010) I had the cops show up at my ex-boyfriend's house after his new girlfriend moved in to feign an anonymous domestic disturbance. Allnewlow.

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October 5, 2009 at 8:37 pm by Anonymous in - Miscellaneous [+]

(92780) I just tasted my own semen to see what it was like. Allnewlow.

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October 4, 2009 at 5:51 pm by Anonymous in - Miscellaneous [+]

(10108) I just charged my friend $50 to let this girl come over to bang him because I'm poor. I have turned my room into a whore house. Allnewlow.

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October 4, 2009 at 5:50 pm by Anonymous in - Money [+]

(95771) I secretly wished that I could have been one of the little kids Michael Jackson allegedly molested just to play in Neverland. Allnewlow.

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October 4, 2009 at 5:49 pm by Anonymous in - Love [+]

(95926) One time, I washed my underwear in the kitchen sink with Palmolive because my booty call was coming over and I didn't have anything clean to wear. Allnewlow.

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October 4, 2009 at 5:47 pm by Anonymous in - Miscellaneous [+]

(90210) Last night, I had to sleep at the foot of my bed with my legs hanging off because the night before, the girl I brought home pissed all over my mattress. Allnewlow.

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October 3, 2009 at 7:18 pm by Anonymous in - Sex [+]

(98228) I partied pretty hard the night before an early shift at work. Showing up extremely hungover and nauseous I spent the majority of the morning puking in the bathroom. Trying to cover, I told my supervisor I was pregnant and had morning sickness. Allnewlow.

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October 3, 2009 at 1:52 am by Anonymous in - Work [+]

(95926) During my junior year of college I had a series of one night stands. One morning before doing the walk of shame I scoped out my hook-up's fridge. On my way out I swiped his bag of taco bell for lunch later and his house key as a souvenir. Allnewlow.

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October 3, 2009 at 1:45 am by Anonymous in - Sex [+]

(94537) I drunk-dialed my boyfriend after a few too many tequila shots to let him know I just pooped. I asked him if he could come to the bar to help me wipe my ass because I wanted to "get frisky with him and needed a clean butthole." Allnewlow.

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October 3, 2009 at 1:40 am by Anonymous in - Love [+]

(94526) Last night I spent my evening using Photoshop to impose my fictitious "boyfriend" in pictures because I told my mom I had been dating someone for the past 4 months. Allnewlow.

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October 3, 2009 at 1:18 am by Anonymous in - Miscellaneous [+]

(12206) My boyfriend I had just gotten back together after taking a "break." During that time I ended up hooking up with my neighbor who happened to have an affinity for sex toys, specifically cock rings. It was left in my nightstand and when my BF found it, rather than reveal that I slept with someone else, I told him I had purchased it for him...we used it that night. Allnewlow.

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October 3, 2009 at 1:09 am by Anonymous in - Love [+]

(59620) I was helping my friend move out of his apartment when I noticed one of the open boxes I was carrying was full of porn DVDs. Out of curiosity I snooped and ended up uncovering some nude pictures of his ex-girlfriend. I took one of them and still have it to this day. Allnewlow.

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October 3, 2009 at 1:07 am by abowman in - Friends [+]

(95771) When I was a child, I tried to make out with my dad and then cried when he rejected me by throwing me across the room. Allnewlow.

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October 2, 2009 at 10:22 pm by Anonymous in - Love [+]

(00000) A guest speaker came to talk to my Health class about having AIDS. While she was there I was thinking of a funny story and I started busting up laughing as she was crying about giving her unborn son HIV. Allnewlow.

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October 2, 2009 at 12:36 am by Anonymous in - Food [+]

(93308) During a drunken episode I used my sister's electric toothbrush as a vibrator and never replaced it with a new toothbrush head. Allnewlow.

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October 1, 2009 at 5:45 pm by Anonymous in - Miscellaneous [+]

(78516) I had a friend coming to visit from out of town. Not having time to do laundry, I resorted to hanging dirty towels in the bathroom for her to use. Allnewlow.

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October 1, 2009 at 5:33 pm by dwntwncharlie in - Friends [+]

(06190) After a nasty fight with my roommate I plotted revenge. When she went to bed I went and hawked a loogie in her coffee creamer and watched her the next morning as she poured it in her coffee. Allnewlow.

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October 1, 2009 at 5:28 pm by Anonymous in - Friends [+]

(85006) One time while walking home drunk with my friend, we found an unlocked church. After playing the drums at 3:00am as bad as we could, we walked out with a wheelchair so he could push me home. We took a wheelchair from a church. Allnewlow.

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September 30, 2009 at 11:12 pm by theunderstudy in - Friends [+]

(02103) My roommate and I thought we were starving college students. We found a local food cupboard and decided to give it a try. After filling out paperwork at the church, we were told to come back in about an hour to pick up our "one time only, emergency" food basket. While we were waiting, we went and ate at a pizza place. Allnewlow.

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September 30, 2009 at 11:10 pm by misterfister in - Miscellaneous [+]

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We’ve all had it happen. All New Low was founded to pronounce those moments in which we find ourselves with compromised dignity due to intoxication of love, stupidity, or substance. Such situations have left many of us with a feeling of embarrassment, coupled with great regret, and a promise to ourselves (and to all of our friends) to forget our bad decisions. Rather than pretend we never make mistakes, All New Low allows us to embrace our misadventures and ultimately share in a good laugh, as we realize the adage, “We’ve all been there,” ALMOST always applies.